When should I move in with my significant other? – Erin in King of Prussia, PA
Erin, major life decisions should be made, whenever possible, from a position of tranquility. This means that you’ve had time to consider all of the things that will result and be impacted by the decision, and how your life could potentially change based on the outcome of the decision. It’s also important to consider how you will recover if you have a misstep. When you pull all of this together, having the luxury of careful consideration, it can truly help you make the best possible decision.
In this scenario, you have that luxury: the ability to take your time, weigh all of the influencing factors, your emotions, the ramifications, and really check your gut.
Moving in with someone requires a completely new frame of how you adjust your life to blend and flex to meet the other person’s style and preferences. Your significant other needs to do the same for you, to find middle ground that is mutually beneficial. It’s absolutely imperative to have parity within the partnership whether you’re moving in with a good friend as roommate, or with a significant other.
The amount of time that you’ve allowed yourself to truly get to know and understand the other person is important. In a shorter-term relationship, it is highly unlikely that you’ve had the opportunity to see all the different facets of the other person’s character, or encounter their response in different situations or circumstances. Going through an experience that tests your relationship also reveals a great deal about their character. Each of these are vitally crucial elements to consider.
Any actions or behaviors that raise a red flag, or cause you to question your significant other’s integrity or responsibility, should give you pause. In this case, you should delay your timeline, acknowledging a warning sign to take your time and not rush in.
Examine how this move clicks with your personal long-term plans and goals. What are your objectives for the coming year? Where do you see yourself two years from now, or even five years down the road? How does this move fit into your plan, aspirations, and dreams? Will moving in with your significant other advance you forward and feed those dreams? Or is it going to be a distraction, even potentially sidetracking your journey? The same holds true for your significant other. What’s going on in their head?
Seek out a trusted advisor, counselor, friend, or family member to discuss the pros, cons, and timing. Spend a period talking this through and making sure that you’re in touch with your own motivations, emotional triggers, and beliefs. Gain a better understanding of how your decision is being influenced. Go in with your eyes wide open when you make this decision. Take your time. There’s no rush. In fact, you give yourself an enormous advantage when you wait until you are sure.
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Lynn Whitbeck is the co-founder and President of Petite2Queen. She is focused on identifying and evaluating opportunities for women at work, helping them define their personal roadmap. She dedicates herself to delivering tools and insights, embracing visualization of the big picture, and identifying and implementing the minutiae of detail. Lynn aims to share lessons learned along her journey and enable positive uplift for women.